Reader Question: What is an “Empathetic Communication Style,” and Why Does it Increase Engagement with Your Team?

I had a conversation recently with a reader of this blog, where I was asked about a comment I made referencing a top skill of a high engagement leader. The skill was empathy. I called it. “having an empathetic communication style.” The question, as you can see in the title was, “Why does empathy increase engagement?”

Why Empathy?

I didn’t get this as a young leader when I was first named as manager for a sales group. However, when I was promoted a few years later and became a second-line manager where the sales leaders reporting to me had salespeople reporting to them, I began to see something I had missed completely. That something? That people don’t just bring their “salesperson-self” to work. They bring their “entire-self” to work. So do you! So do I! As much as we might like to leave the rest of our lives at home when we go to work, we can’t; it travels with us and affects us as we go through our daily activities.

The reason empathy and an empathetic communication style is so helpful when it comes to engaging the people on your team is that it shows that you recognize that the people on your team have lives outside of the work environment and what goes on away from work can significantly affect how someone approaches work.

What is an Empathetic Communication Style?

Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.[1] When you communicate with empathy, you are showing that you care and that what someone else is experiencing matters. Dr. Brené Brown says it this way, “Empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection. Empathy is I’m feeling with you. Sympathy, I’m feeling for you.”

Empathy is a Choice

Dr. Brown goes on to remind us that, “Empathy is a choice and it’s a vulnerable choice. Because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.” When a leader can enter that vulnerable place where they can put themselves in another person’s shoes, they open a door of connection that says I care about you, I am here to help you, and you can trust me; all are keys to genuine engagement.

Three Tips for Choosing Empathy

First, listen with an intent to understand, learn, and serve. When you can remove the distractions and fully focus on the person in front of you, you communicate in an empathetic way.

Second, learn what shows care to the individuals on your team. Some people like encouraging words; some want to spend time with you. If you want to learn more about this, I highly recommend Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.”  

Third, be curious about what makes other people tick. Avoid the temptation to judge others and instead accept that others don’t always see things the way you do, and that doesn’t make them wrong, just different, like you.

In most cases, empathy takes a large step forward when you are present and in the moment. When you can “be here now,” you can communicate a level of care that will cause people to engage with you in the work that is before you.

[1] https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/empathy/definition