The 5 Pillars of Meaningful Connection

My leadership journey has covered more than 25 years and dozens of leadership roles in large and small company’s alike. One truth that I wish I had known earlier was the importance of truly connecting with people. It was easy in those early days to lean on my title to lead. Then we learned that title and authority are poor versions of long-term, highly engaging leadership. People only followed because they had to, or else! That’s when we learned about the importance of developing influence so that people would follow you because they wanted to; because they believed in you.

A True Driver of Influence

But what generates influence? What are the things I should be doing to increase my level of influence with others? Developing the ability to genuinely connect with others is by far the best way I have found to develop high levels of influence with those you lead. So, how do you connect with others?

The 5 Pillars

Pillar #1 – Be interested in learning someone’s story. Dale Carnegie teaches that “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” We can often be so consumed with our own jobs and our own lives that we can forget that the people around us have lives too. A few minutes spent learning the story of the people on your team will lead to a deeper connection over time. Be curious.

Pillar #2 – Listen with the intent to learn and serve. When you truly listen to someone, you are giving them the gift that says, “I value you.” Listening with the intent to understand as Stephen Covey taught us is great, but what if I could take that to the next level and listen to learn about you and how I might be able to serve you to accomplish the things you are trying to accomplish?

Pillar #3 – Know their gifts. Author and speaker, Liz Wiseman, calls this, knowing each person’s “unique intelligence.” When you have taken the time to understand the unique value that each person brings to your team, you are positioned to include them in meaningful work that motivates and engages.

Pillar #4 – Ask for help. For some reason, many leaders are convinced that they are supposed to have all the answers. However, if you want to truly connect with your team, ask for help. Ask for ideas. Ask for their point of view. When you do this, you are communicating that “I need you, you are relevant to this team and our mission.”

Pillar #5 – Connect them with others. Leadership expert, John Maxwell has a question he frequently asks when he meets with others. “Who do you know that I need to know? Helping connect people with others in your network is a great way to increase your value to both people. Be generous. Help others connect, and they will connect with you for life.

Connection is the Key

High engagement leadership requires connection. Many forces are vying for the attention of the people in your circle of influence. When you can make connecting with others a priority, they will make engaging with you a priority. Connecting with others is the key to influence.