When I was young, my family moved a lot. My dad was an engineer in the space program, and he worked with several different aviation organizations to develop guidance systems for rockets to use when orbiting the earth. When you move a lot, you find yourself frequently being “the new guy.” I learned a lot about what it feels like to be an outsider every time I entered a new school, neighborhood or sports program.

Most of us know what it feels like to be an outsider from time to time. For the most part, feeling like an outsider is the result of unintentional actions or behaviors from others. However, even if this is unintentional, it can still have disastrous implications for the engagement level of your team. And when you consider the diverse make-up of the people on your team today, the opportunity for someone to feel like the outsider becomes much more likely to happen.

Coming to Grips with Your Like-Me Bias

If I were able to coach you in one area where I think you could make improvements toward making others feel like insiders, it would be in the area of your Like-Me Bias. The Like-Me Bias is just like it sounds; we tend to look for and gravitate toward people who are like us. This is known as an unconscious bias; thus, you most likely don’t know you do it. Once I became aware of this tendency, I began to see how often it appeared in my life. So, what can you do to develop a team of people who all feel like insiders?

Developing a Team of Insiders

If you want to increase the engagement of your team, you will want to make sure that there is no one on the team that feels like an outsider. Here are eight ways you can increase and sustain an insider culture on your team.

1.      Self-Awareness – the most important step you can make is becoming aware of your tendency to prefer connection with people that are a lot like you. Once you are aware, you will notice the subtle and almost imperceptible reactions you have to people who are different from you. Different culturally, as in, differences in ethnic, racial, gender, generational, and sexual orientation, to name just a few.

2.      Recognize Difference – it may sound noble to say you don’t see differences in others, but when you say you don’t see difference, you are saying you don’t see me. When someone does not feel seen by you, they can feel like they cannot be themselves. They can feel like you think everyone is just like you. If you can’t be yourself, then you are an outsider.

3.      Be More Intentional – become intentional when looking at how your team engages and if there are any signs of someone feeling left out or not included. Are there informal meetings where some on the team are not present?  Are there remote team members in other time zones that often are left out because you always schedule meetings based on your time zone? Do you hold meetings late in the day when some members of the team need to pick up kids or have other family commitments and can’t always stay late?

4.      Share Unwritten Rules – every organization has a set of written rules of which everyone is knowledgeable. These can be HR-related or policy-related. Every team in your organization also has a set of unwritten rules or expectations that the insiders all know. When are you expected to be at work? How long is lunch? How to communicate with the team or the boss? One person told me there was an unwritten rule in her office that you never leave before the boss leaves. Some of these rules, especially that last one there, you may not even know about, but there are many you do. If you can openly share the ones you want observed and discount the ones that are not helpful, you will make sure everyone is an insider when it comes to local rules – written and unwritten.

5.      Over Communicate – regular, open communication with every member of your team will do a lot to keep people from feeling like outsiders. The more they hear from you the more valued and more like an insider they will feel.

6.      Listen Deeply – the fastest way to make someone feel valued is to listen to them. To listen deeply means you listen without distraction, and you listen with an ear toward learning, understanding and serving. When someone feels heard, they feel valued, and when someone feels valued, they feel included.

7.      Step Back so Others Step Up – if you are always doing all the talking, then others can fall back and feel like what they think doesn’t matter. When you are always stepping up, others are forced to step back. Try reversing that dynamic. Ask others for their point of view and opinions about the work they are doing. Ask them to step up, and you step back. This makes others feel included and relevant to you and the business. This is a real engagement builder.

8.      Encourage Two-way Feedback – If you are not providing and asking for feedback, you are opening the door for someone to feel like what they do, or think does not matter. When you provide feedback, you are telling someone you care about their development. When you ask for feedback, you are telling someone that you are trying to grow too, and you value their input.

Diversity is a given in most organizations and on most teams today. Inclusion, however, is a choice that we need to make every day. When you recognize that every person you interact with has unique value to bring to the team, you will promote inclusive behaviors that invite everyone on the team to the table to be seen, heard, and welcome.