I have been blessed to be able to speak and teach all over the world; 48 countries so far. In the early days of international travel, I had the belief that we are all human beings, and we are all trying to accomplish similar things. I might even comment that I don’t see color or nationality, I just wee people. I did my best to be respectful of other people and try to get along.

As the years passed and my cultural intelligence grew, I had to think back about those early days and conclude that I was more lucky than good. My influence and effectiveness were greatly impacted by my lack of an understanding of how different cultures communicate, handle disagreement or conflict, and how they give and receive feedback. And by saying I don’t see a difference, it could be interpreted as I don’t see you; I think everything is like me. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Was I Really in Denial?

When traveling internationally, it’s easy to travel widely, but not deeply. My days of traveling widely were days of arriving at an American brand hotel, seeing a few touristy sites, hanging near the hotel, and eating most of my meals in or near the hotel. No wonder I thought we were all the same. I was staying in a Hilton where my only interaction with the local culture was with hotel employees who had been trained to interact with foreign visitors, especially Americans.

To travel more deeply required me to begin to develop my cultural intelligence. Cultural Intelligence can be defined as the capability to RELATE & WORK EFFECTIVELY across cultures, borders, perspectives, and all differences. And that part about across perspectives and differences means I can use this skill not only when I travel internationally, but when working with my cross-cultural team in this country. And “culture” is not just your nationality. Culture is a deep and complex description of what makes you, you.

Mindset Matters

The first step to developing your cultural intelligence is to move away from a mindset that minimizes differences and instead accepts that there are differences that make every one of us unique. You do this by embracing an open attitude toward others. You refuse the temptation to judge someone or make quick assumptions about their looks or behavior. This leads to developing self-awareness about your own cultural values and beliefs.

Becoming Others Oriented

Once you are self-aware, the second step is to develop your “other-awareness.” This means that you recognize the cultural values, attitudes, and beliefs that drive other people’s behaviors. Behavior is what we see in others and what others see in you. Like an iceberg, the behaviors you see demonstrated above the waterline are driven by many more factors you cannot see that are below the waterline.

Is There a Hole in Your Education

I had a business colleague from the middle east that I traveled with a lot. As we made our way from country to country, we would discuss the local cultures. He had taken the time to learn something about the cultural makeup of the people with whom we were meeting. I did not, again, just hoping that my immense likeability would win them over. My colleague would often say, “Perry, you have a hole in your education.” He was right.

It’s imperative that if you ever hope to increase your reputation as a leader by increasing your influence with people from a different culture than your own, you are going to need to increase your cultural knowledge. There are many cultural orientations that individuals (including you) can embrace. A great place to begin your cultural education is to research how the culture you are visiting or working with likes to communicate. Is it formal or informal? How do they resolve conflict? Is it direct or indirect? And how are decisions made? From the top or as a group?

There are many ways one culture can operate differently from another. What I found was that if I was not aware of my cultural norms and aware of the cultural norms of the people I was working with and trying to influence, then I might take something as simple as how they communicate disagreement as disrespectful of me. Cultural intelligence allows me to suspend my assumptions and my quick rush to judgment and instead exhibit more patience, empathy, and understanding. And this almost always leads to more influence, engagement, and connection.