Vulnerability in leadership is being talked about a lot these days. And in many cases, it is still viewed as something to be avoided. When I ask an audience what word comes to mind when I say, “vulnerability,” 100% of the time, I hear them say, “weakness.” Nothing could be further from the truth. What should come to mind is “courage,” because leaders with the courage to be vulnerable drive connection with their teams and increase influence with those in their circle.

What Vulnerability is and What it is Not

Being vulnerable as a leader is about being open with others about your need for help, that you don’t have all the answers, and you are not the answer to every problem. It is NOT about sharing your every weakness and fault. Vulnerable leaders are authentic; they are human; they are real.

Superman, Not!

I learned the lesson of vulnerability when my son, as a young teenager, made a mistake that I didn’t think he should have made. When I asked him why he didn’t come talk with me about it, he said it was difficult to share shortcomings with me because I didn’t make mistakes. How could he possibly think this? Uh, because that’s how I presented myself to him and others. When I noticed my sales team at work hiding their mistakes and struggles, I realized I had a similar problem as a leader. They viewed me as some sort of superman who had no struggles or issues. How hilarious is that?

Sharing, but Not Over Sharing

The reason my son and my sales team didn’t know about my challenges, mistakes, and shortcomings was because I never told them. I did not set out to hide things; I just never share things like that with anyone. I didn’t present myself as Superman, but I could armor up like Ironman. Picture Tony Stark stepping into those boots and watching the armor fall into place. That was me.

When I saw firsthand what my armor-up style was doing at home with my son and at work with my team, I adopted a new style. Now, when I see a struggle or a mistake, I share how I have also dealt with something similar. I engage them in conversation about possible ways to handle the situation. I even share how I have dealt with this; what worked and what did not. I do NOT overshare. I do NOT confess every weakness and mistake, but I do open myself to sharing the challenges and struggles that are relevant to our journey together. I even ask them, my son, and my team, if they can help me with a problem, and I listen when they bring me their point of view (PoV).

10 Actions to be More Vulnerable with Your Team

If you want to increase connection and influence with those you lead, consider doing the following:

1.      Take off your armor

2.      Ask better questions

3.      Listen with intention

4.      Share your challenges

5.      Ask for help

6.      Get your ego out of the way

7.      Say, “I don’t know.”

8.      Seek the PoV and input of others

9.      Be humble

10.   Be authentic

One Final Thought About Ego

I think ego is a real problem with many people in leadership positions. It becomes easy to think we have all the answers and that we are right. But as Ryan Holiday tells us in his book, Ego is the Enemy, “When we remove ego, we’re left with what is real. What replaces ego is humility, yes—but rock-hard humility and confidence.”