If you lead a team, and if you hold people accountable for their performance, there is a good chance some of those team members are trying to prove themselves to you and others on the team. You may even be trying to prove your value to your boss and your peer group of leaders. The problem with this is that when you embrace the mindset of proving, you are not embracing the mindset of improving.

What You’ve Done, or What You are Doing?

The way you can tell if someone has a proving versus improving mindset, it to listen to them as they talk about their work. This also works if you are the parent of teenagers. When people talk about what they are doing, do they talk about the good and the bad? What worked and what didn’t work? Or, do you get a highlight reel of all the great things that they have done?

You can also take notice of how someone revives feedback about their performance. If you give a team member or your teenager feedback about their performance, and they push back or defend themselves, they are most likely operating from a fixed or proving mindset. If, on the other hand, they listen and receive your feedback, they are most likely working from a growth or improving mindset. (For more on Mindset, I highly recommend Dr. Carol Dweck’s book titled, “Mindset – The New Psychology of Success.”)

There is a natural tendency to prove that we have what it takes to compete and to win. I have seen this tendency in myself, in my children, and in the sales team that I have led. Therefore, noting your mindset and the mindset of those you lead is essential to your ability as a leader to improve the performance of your team. If you can move people to a place of a growth or improving mindset, you can move the performance of your organization.

Four Questions to Move from Performance to Growth

While discussing piano recital performance with my teenage children, I discovered a simple, yet profound way to move away from the proving, fixed mindset and toward an improving, growth mindset. Once I saw how well this worked, I began using it with my team at work and any others in my circle of influence. I call it my “Four Questions for Growth,” and it took my leadership to the next level.

After any event, a piano recital or a sales call, these are the coaching questions I like to ask:

1. What was the best thing that happened? This is usually not too difficult for them to answer because it speaks directly to their desire to “prove” they did a good job.

2. What was the worst thing that happened? (What didn’t work so well or go the way you wanted it to?) Silence. Hmmm, think hard. This is tough because it goes against their desire to impress you (boss/parent). Very few performances are flawless, so make sure they share something here.

3. What did you learn about yourself or the event that you may not have known before? I am trying to get them to become aware of what was happening apart from the actual performance itself.

4. What will you do differently the next time you are in this situation based on what you have learned? All of growth is about making small, steady improvements in the areas of our learning. To not make the changes will lock us into repeating the same mistakes and mediocre performances that got us here.

It did not happen overnight at home or work, but the changes did come. It became okay to share challenges, failures, and setbacks. It became okay to ask others for feedback and coaching. Engagement, motivation, and results all improved over time. With this simple set of questions asked in a coaching way, we developed a culture of improvement and growth that is taking us to the next level in our business and home.